The Burning Edward's POV
by GLee68
Summary: Bella's dramatic pregnancy and change were very traumatic for Edward... his version needs to be told... One Shot Complete... set in Breaking Dawn


**Disclaimer: I am not Stephanie Myer... I do not own her characters... I just like to think the way they do and write their stories.....**

For not the first time since I met Bella did I wish that I was able to sleep. If I was able to sleep then maybe this could be a nightmare that I would wake from soon. I could not (and she certainly couldn't) be that when I had begun to allow myself the smallest glimmer of hope that things would work out well; it happened. Jacob had just given me his mental promise that when I changed Bella it would not break the treaty; my family (including my soon to be born child) would be safe; then the most inconsequential movement and everything changed.

I heard the strangest muffled tearing sound and then my wife gasped and collapsed. "Bella?" I cried. I could hear the panicked thoughts of our unborn baby, struggling for oxygen, trying to understand what had happened to its surroundings, then came the scream. It terrified me.

_This can't be happening!_

Bella vomited blood everywhere and collapsed again. Rosalie and I were momentarily stunned and then she grabbed Bella's limp form and we both sprinted up the stairs to our makeshift hospital faster than either of us had ever travelled before.

I was yelling for morphine, Rosalie was yelling for Alice to call Carlisle, Jacob was asking what was happening. "He's suffocating" I heard myself reply, trying to assemble all the necessary instruments to deliver the baby and save Bella.

"The placenta must have detached!" screamed Rosalie followed by Bella's sudden arousal "GET HIM OUT!" It would have been music to my ears but there was too much pain and desperation in that voice. "He can't BREATHE! Do it NOW!"

I tried to calm her, I didn't want her in pain "the Morphine..." "NO! NOW!" she screeched (stubborn as always, never thinking of her own self) choking in another gush of bloody vomit. I tried vainly to keep her head up attempting to clear her airway so she could breathe. _Please Bella keep breathing for me._

Alice had fixed the phone earpiece to Rosalie and she was preparing to cut. "Let the morphine spread!" I pleaded.

She angrily replied "there's no time, he's dying!" _Torture! Please let Bella be too far out of it to feel this! _She made the first deep incision, Bella's hands jerked toward her stomach _NOOO! _But she couldn't scream, she was still choking.

It was then I saw the thirst take control of Rose.

_NO! My insides were convulsing, I can't stop her, I have Bella!_

I yelled knowing it would not work "NO ROSE!"

Again I was reluctantly grateful for Jacob's presence... he tackled Rose out the door. "Alice, get her out of here! Take her to Jasper and keep her there! Jacob I need you!" I yelled. _I was surprised how coherent my voice was, I felt nothing but panic, I might lose my baby and my mate if I couldn't find a way to focus!_

"CPR?" I asked Jacob, "Get her breathing!"

_Please live Bella, you've got to keep your heart beating! _

_"_I've got to get him out before..." We both heard the sickening snap from inside Bella's battered body.

_Bella, I'm so sorry, Bella please be alright. _

"Her Spine!" I could not control the dread in my voice. "Get it out of her-she won't feel anything now!" Jacob demanded between breaths.

_Fear and dread threatened to overwhelm me._ _Focus Edward you can do this, you have to do this! Failure is not an option! You must keep it together if you are going to save them. _

Mechanically, I grabbed the scalpel and cut until I felt the vampire skin sac. In another lifetime, the gush of red fluid from the wound would have been more inviting than I could handle but now it was if I could not see it or smell it or taste it.

I leant into the open wound.

_No man should ever be asked to put his face into his wife's abdomen to tear out their child with his teeth. This was so much worse than anyone's worst nightmare... please let it end... please let it end well... how could this possibly end well... FOCUS!_

My teeth tore through the sac with a screeching that stood my hair on end. Finally I could reach my baby. I pulled the head and shoulders free. A cough and a ragged gasp, relief, our child was alive!

I could hear its confused but relieved mind trying to process what was happening. As I cleared the rest of the baby from Bella's body, I realised we did not have the boy of Bella's imagination. Her chocolate eyes met mine as I whispered in awed wonder "Renesmee!"

_I can't believe it I am a father! I hadn't wanted to think of myself as that before. I loathed the fact I had somehow created another monster that could hurt Bella, but now looking into the face of my beautiful daughter, I was struck by awesomeness of the responsibility and joy that comes with a new life._

Somehow Bella had regained consciousness during the delivery. "Let me ... give her to me." She managed to rasp. I reached over and laid our baby on her chest, supporting both her and Bella's weak arm around her.

I could not think about the rest of Bella's body needing urgent medical attention, right now I gave her what she wanted, her first look at our baby. It seemed she was struggling to see. Then she suddenly focused on the bloody figure in front of her that was our daughter. "Renesmee...so ...beautiful" she was barely able to whisper.

I felt Renesmee's mind move from shock and fear to contentment at that moment. I watched as her little face broke open in a devastating smile at her mother's voice.

_Overwhelming joy, pain, pride, fear washed over me. I wished I could cry, I was glad I could not, I wondered how I would ever express the emotion that surged through me now._

She snuggled into her mother's warm soft breast and then without warning, the smile bit! I snatched her away "NO Renesmee" I chided her softly.

_How do you tell a newborn not to follow its instincts..._

I didn't have time to even ponder that when I heard _it_. A sound too terrible and horrific to comprehend... the last beat of my beloved's heart... silence.

_NO! Not now! No! You can't stop now! _

_Please keep going, just a little while longer, PLEASE! _

I froze momentarily, unable to figure out what I should be doing.

_Focus Edward! Move! Remember the plan! Move! _

I heard Jacob's desperate demand.

_What WAS I waiting for? The baby! I can't save Bella and hold the Baby!_

"Take the baby" I demanded.

"Throw it out the window" he answered, obviously not interested in saving the thing that had hurt Bella.

_Not likely! I cannot contemplate hurting her now!_

"Give her to me." Rose's voice. Jacob and I both turned to snarl at her. "I've got it under control, give me the baby, Edward. I'll take care of her until Bella..."

_Don't even think it! It won't end that way! I can't let anyone think it! I will NOT allow myself to think it. Live Bella, you must live._

I passed the baby over quickly and grabbed the syringe of venom that I had prepared in the last few days. "Move your hands Jacob" I hissed.

He looked up at me confused "What's that?"

I couldn't wait to explain it, I knocked his hand away, I heard a crack, no time for regret at the moment. "My venom" I stated as I injected it deep into her heart, I heard its shocked response, "Keep it moving!"

_I could not think of failure now, I could not stop to absorb the shocking reality of the one I loved beyond all else lying in front of me broken and dying. _

_Keep the focus Edward._

_Follow the plan. _

_You know what you have to do to save her. Don't think about what you can see. Don't think about it. Don't think. Don't! _

I bit her.

_Don't think, just do!_

Again and again at every place I could to get my venom into her body. I bit her and sealed the wounds with my tongue.

_How many times had the monster imagined the sensation of biting her? This was not like that. I could not even enjoy the flavour, it was almost repellent. _

_This was duty. _

_This was necessity. _

_This was the only way I could survive, if I could somehow re-animate her! It has to work. There is no alternative. It MUST WORK! _

I sealed all her wounds, including where we had removed the baby. I could hear Jacob's mind, he had lost hope. He didn't believe she was here anymore. He didn't think it would work!

"Go then" I growled and hit his hands out of the way. He deserved the broken fingers this time, he didn't believe, he deserved pain! I shut out his thoughts. I could not allow his doubt to touch me.

I took over the CPR. I had put as much venom into her as was possible. I would pump her heart for the entire 3 days of change if that's what it would take.

I would NOT give up. I could not give up. I tasted the blood on her lips when I breathed for her.

I could not react to that, I would not.

For me there was nothing else but breathe, push, push, push, push, breathe.

_Bella, I'm doing everything I know how, please don't give up. Please! Stay with me, my world is nothing without you. Please Bella you have to keep trying. _Push, push, push, breathe.

"Bella, I need you, stay with me please" I whispered in her ear as I continued. "Bella, you were right, she was worth fighting for, but so are you, stay with me!" Breathe, push, push, push, breathe.

Nothing existed outside this room, I'm sure the others were doing, thinking, breathing, living, but for _me_ there was just me and my broken Bella and push, breathe.

"Bella, fight, for me" I pleaded in her ear, "fight, I need you, Jacob needs you, Charlie needs you... please fight!" I kept going. "You're a part of us. Emmett, Rose, Jasper, Alice, Carlisle, Esme, Renee, we all need you, don't leave us!" I kept going, somehow, I kept going. "Don't leave me. Please..." My whisper was a broken sob.

_I was losing my fight with the fear that was trying to crush me, I could not give in. I could not allow the dread terror that gripped my insides like a cold iron glove, to take hold. I must keep fighting, for her. _

"Bella, fight for Renesmee, she needs you!" I whispered.

Something changed, she must have heard me, I heard a faint flutter and then a thump, a gasping breath and then her heart restarted.

I paused for several moments, not sure whether to believe it was real. Her heart pounded frantically, desperately, and her lungs expanded and expelled without help. She had come back.

_Rejoicing! No I could not partake in joy yet. Relief, she was going to make it to transformation, but could it reverse all the damage?_

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I cradled her gently in my arms and kissed her face over and over. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, that I put you through all that pain, I'm sorry for the burning Bella. I'm sorry you have to do that for me."

I whispered through my kisses while I caressed her face over and over. The anguish and pain I had kept under control for the last few weeks while she suffered through her pregnancy broke free from their restraints and inundated me.

"An ocean of pain" Jacob had thought as he left us. I was completely submerged in the tsunami.

I gave voice to the grief and despair that had plagued me. That I had not allowed to the surface in front of her while she was still conscious. I moaned, wishing for tears, as I held her to me, wishing I could howl like Jacob had when he heard we were engaged. There was no way for me to express the deluge of deepest agony I was experiencing.

I thought the pain I felt when I sought the Volturi was the worst possible.

I wished I had never discovered how wrong that was.

_I was responsible for this. It was me that had put her through this. _

_The fact no one knew I could make her pregnant was no comfort. It was all my fault. _

_My progeny, that which the brutal blood-thirsty monster that was part of me had somehow created, had hurt her from the inside and had nearly destroyed her on the way out. My venom was burning and changing her now causing her more pain. How could I claim I loved her if all I ever did was hurt her!_

I clung to her until the tide ebbed. I had needed to release all that toxic emotion to purge it from my being before it ate me away from the inside.

_Just my luck to be the first ever vampire with a stomach ulcer. _I thought ruefully.

I needed her touch so badly. I cradled her broken body to my chest and lifted one of her hands to my face. It amazingly still felt warm and soft on my cheek, almost as if she were really touching me. I missed her closeness. I missed her spark.

_Would her stubbornness be enough to get her through this intact? _I kept her close, crooning words of love and comfort in her ear.

I was vaguely aware that Alice had come into the room. She was cleaning and clearing. I could smell the bleach. She touched my shoulder briefly, _I'll tend to her too when you're ready_ she thought.

"Not yet" I whispered. I could read the understanding in her eyes, there was no need for more words.

I remained in my little bubble of pain, aware of a disturbance elsewhere in the house but not caring about anything but the beating of her heart. I'm not sure how much longer I sat there with Bella in my arms, but suddenly Carlisle was next to me.

"Edward, son..." he quietly laid his hand on my shoulder, "you need to let her go, let Alice take care of her and go clean yourself up."I was going to protest, but his earnest gaze stopped me "you can't be like this when she wakes up son, and you should go and see your daughter."

If I'd been paying attention I would have questioned the strange gleam in his eye when he mentioned the baby. But my focus was solely on Bella. I understood! Covered in blood was no way to greet a newborn vampire, I could not put Bella through THAT!

Alice gently took Bella from me, she had a basin of water and towels already prepared behind me. I kissed Bella's forehead and reluctantly left the room.

The shower removed all the blood and gore from my surface, but it did little to remove the soiled images that flooded my brain.

Humans find showers relaxing, it wasn't relaxing for me, I just wanted to get back to Bella.

I finished and dressed quickly, I was heading back to Bella. I could hear Alice still tending to her. She was merrily chatting away while she washed her hair as if this was just another of her girlie makeovers. I decided to let her finish uninterrupted.

I remembered Renesmee.

I should check on her. I could take her to her mother. We could wait for Bella together.

I made my way down the stairs, conscious of the minds around me for the first time in hours. I was puzzled by the conflict I heard and the fact I could still hear Jacob, I thought he would be long gone. Then I could "see" what Jacob "saw" when he looked at my baby.

_For the love of all that is holy, how could THAT happen!?! How many more challenges could I be expected to face in one day! Do I feel angry? Do I feel amused? Do I feel protective? How do I know what I should feel? I decided to stay in shock. _

I came to the bottom of the stairs and looked into the room. I heard Jasper's mental gasp when he felt the depth of anguish I still bore. He gave me a look of pure understanding, I knew I would find strength from him.

There was my family gathered around Esme who was holding my child, and there was Jacob.

He looked at me with alarm, I could see the anxiety and yet determination in his eyes, "Edward, I..." he started to say.

"I'm not sure how to respond to this Jacob" I replied as calmly as I could, "I can't think to deal with it now, I think I need you to leave for the moment."

He cringed momentarily then replied, "sure, I think I need to talk to Sam anyway, he should know what has happened." He gazed longingly towards the bundle in Esme's arms and then with a look that was part sympathy, part apology to me, turned and swiftly left out the back.

I turned to see my little baby, and was surprised to see a very alert and noticeably bigger infant looking at me with the most beautiful milk chocolate coloured eyes.

Her mother's eyes, they were so lovely.

She had her hand on Esme's cheek. Esme smiled at her and said "That's your Daddy!" Her voice swelled with pride and joy.

_Her "Daddy"! I wasn't sure I was prepared for being a "Daddy" the very word broke through my shock, I felt warmer somehow. Again how do I know what I should feel? This was entirely new territory._

I felt a change in the minds around me, interest, anticipation, I didn't know what that meant, but I was too mesmerised by the beautiful face before me to try and figure it out. I reached out for her and she smiled and reached toward me.

Esme placed her gently in my arms, she was so warm and soft and she felt so right! She smelled incredibly sweet, somehow she had inherited some of Bella's scent but it had a vampire-mix that counteracted the temptation.

I could not help it. I leaned down and kissed her perfect little nose.

"Hello, Renesmee," I murmured, "I love you."

_Why did I say that? I could hear the pleasure in her thoughts when I did. It was certainly true. Every part of me knew that, that she was now part of my life. I loved her, without reservation. I couldn't wait to show her to her Mother. _

She smiled more brightly and reached her hand to my face. I heard the others' collective intake of breath. _What the?!? _I saw my face, covered in blood looking down and whispering "Renesmee!" I felt her delight in hearing the name. The image changed to my face looking sterner, and saying "no, Renesmee!" I felt her remorse and apology. I saw indecision on my face before turning to see Rose. She smiled again.

The vision ceased. Everyone was watching me.

Carlisle broke the silence asking "what did she show you?"

_My daughter showed me that! She must be gifted too! But of course! _

It took me a moment to organise my thoughts, "She showed me, me! At her birth, she understood me!" I was still shocked by the enormity of that revelation.

"Yes, she has an excellent memory." beamed Carlisle.

I looked back at her in wonder, she reached for me again. This time I saw my face looking very pained and serious asking Jake to leave, I saw Jacob's wistful face turn toward the vision and then watched him go, I felt her sadness and longing, I felt her question, why?

_Oh great! This imprint thing is less one-sided than I realised. I still wasn't sure what I thought about this and how to deal with it. I wished I could talk it over with Bella. _

_Pain. _

_Not yet. We'll deal with it later. _

"He'll be back, I'm sure." I told her. "I needed some time to think." She seemed pleased with that, and snuggled closer into my chest. I looked around, the others were captivated by the performance, every one of them completely besotted with our newest family member.

Alice's mental call caught my attention, she had finished. "Would you like to go up and see your Momma?" I asked Renesmee. Her answering smile dazzled me. "She won't be able to see you yet, but we can wait awhile together." I held her close. I was amazed at how natural it felt to have her curled warmly against my chest.

We went into the room. Bella was laid out on the table, perfect.

Clean, hair brushed, dressed for an occasion.

In the short time I had been gone, I could already notice some changes, the skin on her arms and legs seemed slightly smoother and paler. Her face, always beautiful to me, seemed to be more like porcelain.

I sat next to her cradling Renesmee against me and touched her hand, it was still warm, there was no answering touch, no acknowledgement she could feel me.

I was worried.

_I didn't want her to be writhing in pain, I didn't want her to be screaming and thrashing, but I did expect her to be doing something. What was wrong? Surely she should be reacting to the change somehow. She should not be so still. Something must have gone wrong. I could not show Renesmee how worried I was. _

I started to hum Bella's lullaby, Renesmee looked up at me and smiled contentedly. I could hear her thoughts, she liked the sound, she liked the tune, it sounded familiar to her. That surprised me, I couldn't be sure if I'd hummed it to Bella since we left the island.

She placed her hand on my face and started to show me about her day before I came down to her. She loved the family. She thrilled as she met each new member and showed them her thoughts.

_I think she secretly enjoyed shocking people with her gift, once she realised not everyone could do the same. Some of Bella's mischievous nature had certainly been passed on. _She loved Rosalie. She had enjoyed Rosalie bathing her and dressing her and brushing through her beautiful curls. She enjoyed Carlisle's inquisitive curiosity until he started weighing and measuring.

_I chuckled at that! _

She adored Esme. _Didn't we all, I smiled to myself. _Emmett was funny. Alice was beautiful and Jasper made her feel all warm and good inside.

Jacob _oh bother, this was going to be interesting, _made her feel special, like she was the most incredible and unique creature in the whole world, _I begrudgingly had to agree with him there,_ she liked having Jacob close, it didn't feel right to her when he wasn't near _even_ _before she was born!_

_Well that certainly explained a lot of Bella's reactions, I hoped Bella would not be so drawn to him when she woke... if she woke... no! It will be fine... when she wakes! _

She was getting tired. The images were starting to get fuzzy. I started humming the lullaby again and within moments she was asleep on my chest.

_She was like her mother there too! _

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I sat for an immeasurable length of time with my two girls, savouring their proximity, enjoying the peace. Rosalie appeared after a while, "Jacob and Sam are downstairs, they need you to speak for them to Carlisle about the treaty."

"They can speak for themselves!" I replied, "I'm not leaving Bella again."

"Of course. I'll take the baby for you, and leave you in peace." She smiled warmly and gently took Renesmee from my arms.

I was still consumed with watching Bella, but now part of my mind kept tabs on my little girl and the thoughts of those around her. Jacob came back inside after Sam left. He was holding Renesmee who was awake again. She had showed him my reply to her question. He mentally asked me if he could be the one to explain the situation to Bella once she awoke. I sighed.

_Nothing was going to change, we would have to face the consequences together. I wonder what her reaction will be! _

"Fine" I mumbled grudgingly, he heard me and I felt his heartfelt thanks in his mind. I looked back to Bella and kissed her palm. "Together love, we'll deal with this together!"

Waiting.

You would think I would have gotten better at it by now.

Ever since I met Bella there had been so many times of waiting. I watched the rise and fall of her chest, I listened and counted the beats of her heart, I held her hand and stroked her skin, and waited.... for something.... anything ... to let me know she was ok in there...

Nothing... just waiting.

Carlisle visited to check on her, he tried to reassure me, but nothing helped, it was just me alone with my worry and endless waiting. Without any sign from Bella on how she was, I could only imagine what she might be going through... and I could imagine plenty.

Alice came in. Relief! She could see! "How much longer?" I asked.

She was so excited "It won't be long now, see how clear she's becoming? " She sighed with relief, "I can see her so much better!"

It was hard to contain the smile in my voice, "Still feeling a little bitter?"

"Yes, thanks so much for bringing it up" she grumbled, I let my mind wander during her little rant about her limitations.

"Focus, Alice!" I commanded, I couldn't really be mad with her.

"Right," she replied, "Bella's almost too easy to see now."

_I saw the picture in her mind, Bella standing her eyes alert, watching us. Relief! Exquisite, joyous, all encompassing relief. _

"She's really going to be fine," I managed to breathe in my joy.

"Of course she is." She ruffled my hair.

"You weren't so sanguine two days ago." I reminded her.

She grimaced, "I couldn't see right two days ago. But now that she's free of all the blind spots, it's a piece of cake."

"Could you concentrate for me? On the clock... give me an estimate." I was almost pleading.

She sighed impatiently herself as she scolded "So impatient. Fine. Give me a sec...."

_I saw Bella's new face again, I saw the room, I saw the clock, only around 6 more hours. I could be patient for 6 more hours if I could have her back. She was going to be with me in just 6 hours! _

My new optimism would not be contained "Thank you Alice" I exclaimed hugging her.

She grinned back "She's going to be dazzling!"

_Even Alice didn't understand! _

I growled "She always has been!"

Obviously not impressed with my assessment she replied with a snort as she left, "You know what I mean. LOOK at her!"

_I was. I hadn't stopped looking at her. She had always been captivating to me, but grudgingly I knew what Alice meant, immortality had perfected her features. She was now a literal "heart-stopper"! I only had be patient a little longer, not as long as I had already waited. Not that long now at all. _

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_If only... I couldn't stop myself from thinking... If only there was some little sign she knew I was here... som__e little sign she was alright inside that still body... if only.... I cut off those thoughts, they were close to returning to the doubt. _

_Alice had seen her. _

_I recalled that vision to my memory. If only I knew what she was thinking behind those blood-red eyes when she was watching me and my family! Would she be angry? Could she still love me after all I had put her through? I could only hope she would still want to be with me. Surely that couldn't change. Could it? _

I waited and watched.

I watched and waited and then I heard.

Her heart which had been beating rapidly but steadily, suddenly broke its rhythm into a new more frantic sprint. I called for Carlisle. He and Alice arrived moments later. "Listen" I said.

"Ah, It's almost over" he replied.

_Relief, anxiety and anticipation all rolled together. _

"Soon" Alice chirped excitedly, "I'll get the others. Should I have Rosalie...?" I heard the thought, we must protect her, at least in the beginning, until we were sure.

"Yes... keep the baby away." I answered. I felt Bella's finger twitch under my hand.

_Shock, did she hear me? _

I squeezed her hand "Bella? Bella, love?"

_Please answer me, please let me know you're alright. Please! _

Then her breathing and heart beat changed, becoming more urgent than before. Alice murmured and left to get the others.

_This was it, the final stage. _

Her back arched off the table, but the rest of her body remained motionless, there was no change of expression on her face.

_That couldn't be right could it? _

Her heart continued to race frantically, it's beating blurring almost into an unbroken note. It stuttered and thudded hollowly and then stopped.

_I never thought the sound of her heart stopping would bring me joy. I thought I would be sad, but I was too excited for sad._

The others had joined us, none of them were breathing. We were all waiting. She opened her eyes.

She just lay there for the longest moment staring upwards.

_What was she looking at? I wish I could hear her. _

_Again, wishing I knew her thoughts, some things NEVER changed! _

She took a deep breath, and we all seemed to follow in response. She still didn't move. I squeezed her hand lightly hoping she would turn to me. I could not have anticipated her reaction. Her body froze momentarily before she hissed and flipped herself to the opposite side of the room, landing with her back against the wall in a defensive crouch staring at us with a guarded expression.

_Oops apparently that wasn't a good idea! How do I calm her down, if I don't know what she is thinking? My previous anxiety ramped up a few notches. Maybe this wasn't going to be as easy as we thought._

She must have realised where she was, because her face softened but still looked confused, as if she was trying to figure out what had frightened her. She found my face and she suddenly straightened up, then she was staring at me. Her face seemed to relax a little, it was maddening not to know what she was thinking! She kept her eyes on me, it seemed like she was seeing me for the first time, like she could not believe I was really me. I could feel the tension of the others behind me. I decided I should go to her.

"Bella?" I tried to keep my voice calm and reassuring, I'm not sure I succeeded. She didn't answer but her eyes softened again and she appeared to lean toward my voice. "Bella, love? I'm sorry, I know it's disorienting. But you're all right. Everything is fine." Her brow creased, she was pondering over what I had said.

_What was worrying her? What could I say to reassure her? If only I could hear her...for the millionth time...! _

She was still deliberating and watching me cautiously. I reached toward her slowly, carefully and touched her cheek.

_My fingers thrilled at the feeling of her skin. I wanted so badly to hold her close. My arms ached to pull her to me, I could not, I didn't want to frighten her. I wanted her close to me so badly. I must focus, be patient. That will come when she's had time to adjust to this new life. I remembered our time together on the island, my body yearned to relive that, but I would have to wait until she was ready. Ohhh but I wanted! _

She did not pull back from my touch.

_That was encouraging, maybe she wasn't that frightened by us._

I allowed my hand to curl around her cheek and hold her face like I used to, maybe a familiar touch would reassure her. I waited for some kind of response when suddenly she launched her arms around my neck and crushed herself to me.

_Ow but she is hard and strong now! Don't panic, don't react, stay calm. _

I leaned back trying to relieve the pressure. She looked up at me, confusion and hurt in her face. _Comfort her, she's scared! _

"Um... carefully, Bella. OW." Was the best I could manage to say.

She jumped back, comprehension and horror on her face, and mouthed her standard "OOPS!"

I could not help the smile that broke across my face, _my_ Bella was back! "Don't panic love," I tried to reassure, lifting my finger to touch her lips, "You're just a bit stronger than I am for the moment!" Her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to think through this. I wanted her to relax, so I stroked her cheek. Her face relaxed immediately, I thought I saw a glimmer in her eyes of something that used to catch my breath.

_It couldn't be desire, she's too new for that, the ache deep inside me intensified, ohhh but I wish, I wish!_

She seemed to be struggling to control her thoughts and body, she wanted to say something, of that I _was_ sure. She very slowly, almost painfully slowly, lifted her hand to touch my face.

_bliss, joy, relief, her touch was even more compelling, electric desire sunk through my skin to my very core, I had to control the urge, to allow her time..._

She captured my gaze and said "I love you." Her new voice was melodious, her words were like balm, soothing my anxious mind.

I smiled broadly back at her and replied, "As I love you." I cautiously put my hands on her face and leaned in to touch my lips to hers.

_As with the first time I kissed her, her response surprised me. _

_This time it was not unsafe. _

_My lips had started so gently, her lips held their own and pressed back, the scent and taste were even sweeter than before but now there was no thirst burn, no reason not to allow myself to kiss her as I had always wanted to. The more forceful and urgent I became the more she responded. My heart sang. The desire I had kept in check for our whole time together was suddenly unleashed! Our breathing sped, she curled her body up against mine. I pressed her closer to me._

_I wanted this to never end. _

_I was vaguely aware of the others' thoughts. I could hear Carlisle and Esme's tolerant amusement, Jasper's shock, Alice's delight and Emmett's "get a room" (he was only jealous because Rose had been unavailable since we returned from the island, I don't think he'd ever gone this long without....) _

_I briefly considered asking them to leave so I could welcome my wife and her new body back to my arms more thoroughly, but that would probably embarrass Bella. _

Emmett cleared his throat loudly, that startled Bella, and she jerked away from me. Yes, she was embarrassed. I could not allow that! I laughed and moved with her, keeping her within the circle of my arms. It felt as if I was radiating the joy that was in me like warmth. My happiness and relief could not be put into words. She looked at me and her eyes tightened "you've been holding out on me!" she accused! I could not help but laugh in reply, "It was sort of necessary at the time, now it's your turn to not break me!" She frowned as she processed that and suddenly the others were laughing too. She relaxed against me. It felt so wonderful having her safe and whole in my arms again.

_My life could officially start now. All the pain, worry, uncertainty and waiting were over. We were together and would be forever!_


End file.
